apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
