I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
