I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Randomize
