He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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