she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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