Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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