The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
