don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
