We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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