I accidentally had phone sex last night
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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