she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
