he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
