So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When did angry sex become our thing?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
