the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
