i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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