how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
