I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
