Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
