the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think my moral compass just broke
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
