If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
