I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
