..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
