I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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