Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
