Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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