Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
