is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
