I must be too annoying 4 u.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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