Umm I'm too high to move.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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