I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do herpes really smell.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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