walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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