I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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