i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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