A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
