oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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