Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
last night I used snow as a chaser
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