so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
