Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My vagina is very pro this idea
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
