Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
