I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
