that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My ass is underappreciated
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
