"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
