The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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