I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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