Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
