my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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