The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm too high and old for this...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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