my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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