I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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