I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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