My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
