I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just threw up on my dentist
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
