Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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