Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
