Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
