I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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